You

I trusted you and loved you. You told me we’d be in each other’s lives for ever and that you’d never let me go. I guess that was first mistake- believing you. It was when I was believing you that I stopped believing in myself. I started doubting everything I was doing and only your consent would make me carry on.

At first, it started out great, you’d tell me to study, give me motivation and tell me that I’m beautiful but over time you picked on my weak spots and you knew them too… because I told you about them. I let you in, I let you see every side of me, the dark, the best, the off-days, my happy days and that was my first mistake along with many.

I got close to you and believed you when you told about your past, I never knew that people lie about those things, lie about moments so that other people will have sympathy for you. What kind of person are you? You feed off of other people’s happiness and joy until they have none left. You fed on mine until I was nothing but an empty shell.

I spent days and days of thinking about why you’re the greatest person to walk this Earth, little did I know that you were one of the worst. You turned everyone against me, everyone I loved, everyone I cared about. You lied to them about me, you lied to them about us and you lied to them about you. To this day, I can’t show my face to them but I don’t care anymore.

If they were people that would believe the first person to spring up lies about me, then they didn’t deserve to be in my life either. I have a lot in my life that you made, the self consciousness, the hopelessness, the nights of crying into my pillow, the lost motivation for my career. But I guess in the end, I have to thank you.

Thank you, for opening my eyes to the world- the real world. Not the fake world I was living in. Because of you, I can now tell a genuine person from a psycho like you. You are psychotic, did you know that? I introduced to my life, to my people and to my way of thinking. In the end, you took everything away from me but I have built myself up again. And that’s the last time I’ll let you in, ever again. So, thank you, for changing me and letting me experience heartbreak, betrayal, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety and hate all at once. Because now that I have, and now that I’ve conquered them all, it’s left me with thousands of things to try and to let people in- who love me, really love me for me. I have people in my life that wouldn’t leave me at the first sign of trouble instead they would help me fight my battles.

I have you to thank for making me a stronger person but I’m sorry to myself for not seeing your true colours from the start. My first love should’ve been a more deserving person but I can’t change it now, I’ve accepted it.

I don’t hate you, because you are not enough of a relevance in my life for me to have created a part of that hates you, you have no place in my life and no space in my mind. The last time we spoke, you told “From now on, we’re strangers,” and from now on… we shall be.

I’ll let you know, how much of a great person I can be without you and that you didn’t push me in the dirt for me never to get back up again, because I have risen and now you’ll see me fly and wish that you were there, to fly with me too. But you won’t and you will never be able to. Not until you let go of yourself, the disgusting black hole of emptiness that you’ve created within yourself. It’s amazing how such a beautiful man could have such a disgusting soul. I wish you all the best.

And I wish you a happy life.

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